he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
