first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
