Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
