You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
