one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize