oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
