We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
