so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
