can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
