Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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