Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
