Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
