I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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