Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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