Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
