I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
