are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize