Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
