A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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