It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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