Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
