either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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