where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you made out with another girl for some wings
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
