Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
