I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
