There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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