Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't shave. On purpose
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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