I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
