Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love having hate sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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