Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
