I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
