dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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