We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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