I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
