dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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