I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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