Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As shirtless as possible
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
