Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
