theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
