I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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