I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
