trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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