As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
