How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
