question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
