she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
