Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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