Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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