it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
