I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
