I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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