How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
