Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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