I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
