'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
