Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize