if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
