Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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