i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
