I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
last night I used snow as a chaser
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
