i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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