the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
