I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
