I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
