had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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