look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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