I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
