All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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