you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
