There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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